Sammlung von Newsfeeds

99 Startups

startupljackson - Oktober 11, 2012 - 20:22

Dear internet, please record this. I’ve done my part.

If you’re having funding problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one

[Verse One]
I got a app patrol shipping version dos
Foes that wanna take my human capital
Analysts saying “Money, Cash, IPOs”
I’m a visionary what kind of facts are those?
If you came up in the valley watching startups explode
You’d drop out of college and learn to code
So fuck sceptics you can try a different business model
If you don’t like my tweets you can press unfollow
Got a beef with TechCrunch I don’t do Disrupt
They don’t cover my releases, I don’t give a shit SO
Tech blogs try to use my guest posts
So advertisers will buy underperforming display ads…bloggers
I don’t know what you take me as
Or understand the effectiveness of my growth hacks
I went from bootstrapped to hyper-growth I ain’t dumb
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one
Fund me

[Chorus]
99 Problems but a pitch ain’t one
If you having funding problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one
Fund me

99 Problems but a pitch ain’t one
If you having funding problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one
Fund me

[Verse Two]
The year is 2008 and the good times are gone
In my calendar this week is a big venture boss
I got two choices I can raise cash for growth
Or cancel the round focus on positive cash flow
Now I ain’t trying to limit my market share that way
Plus the market will never be bigger than today
So I…show up in Palo Alto
And I hear “Son, do you know your distribution channel?”
Facebook converts, so does our SEO business
We got network effects and affiliate incentives
Are you going to invest or should I brag some more?
“I need to see more traction to commit for sure’”
“Show me life time value and market size”
“Is this a lifestyle business? What’s my preference look like?”
It’s a billion dollar market, I ain’t flipping this shit
“Well do you mind if we do a little due diligence?”
Well my unit economics are working and my customers numerous
My teams pedigree would have Quora envious
“Aren’t you sharp as a tack, you read Venture Hacks or something?”
“You got advisors or something?”
I ain’t don’t follow @Nivi, but I know a little bit
Enough you gonna reasonably value my shit
“We’ll see how smart you are when Ron Conway comes”
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one
Fund me

[Chorus X2]

[Verse Three]
Now once upon a time not too long ago
We had no customers and the price was low
This is not low in the sense we made no profit
There was validated learning, just limited dollas
I tried to move forward and talk to the board
Explain for em, but rich dudes just gotta perform
You know the type loud as a motor bike
And wouldn’t fly coach or the red eye
So I took a second look made an epic pivot
Early customers were down and they rolled right with it
We raised our  lifetime value by a thousand persentages
While the competition stagnated we developed it iterative
Feature after feature extended our market leadership
There was nowhere my ass could go without our rep proceeding it
Now I’m the press favorite of course the board takes credit
The whole industry is buying just to stay competitive
Don’t think we’re done hustling, it ain’t over yet
We got crazy shit coming, market size is infinite
Quick call to the CEO and the deal is done
I got 99 problems but my pitch  ain’t one
Fund me

[Chorus X3]

Viral coefficient two point some,
I got 99 problems but my pitch ain’t one

You’re one of the crazy ones Rick
It’s your boy

Seiten